The scale of likeability is about making better decisions from subjective situations. If someone told you they liked a movie or a restaurant, what exactly does that mean to you if you plan to follow suit? What is their recommendation based on? I wrote the scale of likeability to help you explore that in a quick and decisive way.
Consider the question: Can you grow to like someone?
Or better yet, “Can you grow to like [Insert noun here]”?
That is, can you grow to like someone, something, somewhere and so on? As opposed to knowing if you like a thing in the instant you interact with it.
On one hand, research (e.g. Princeton) shows people can often tell if they like someone within a tenth of a second: merely a blink of an eye.
On the other hand, you often hear people utter phrases like “This song has grown on me”, “this place is not so bad, I’ve grown to like it”, “I didn’t like you at first, but now we are good friends” [1].
So which is it?
If we flip the original question to “Can you grow to dislike someone?” Or even go extreme to ask “Can you grow to hate something?” — It offers more clues. If you start to break it down, you’ll find there are so many factors that can cause you to grow to dislike something and from my observation, the main ones are:
Essentially, it depends on if change occurs in the specific context.
I tend to think of likeability as more of a long horizontal spectrum rather than a binary attribute. Meaning, the question “Do you like x?” is not a yes/no question but rather a question of range. If we say the horizontal spectrum moves from extreme dislike to indifference in the middle to extreme like at the far right, then we can start to plot and pinpoint statements on the line. [2]
Looking at it graphically, if you instantly like something or someone — we shall call Z — we can take a guess and say you land in about 80% or more of the far right side of the spectrum. Meaning you have a strong positive feeling about Z. As you get more information about Z (remember, change occurring in the specific context), or as you change as a person, the location of likeability for Z can either stay or move.
You will notice that I am using percentages as a form of measurement here though I am skeptical of using it, as it suggests there is a peak at which you like something e.g. I 100% like the iPhone. The truth is, the more positive feedback loops you get the more you like something which confirms there is no peak or at least, it’s not numerically finite.
I am also skeptical of using a spectrum with no end in sight as it makes it harder to make a measurement. That’s the whole point of the scale — to be able to take a measurement in some way or form. [3]
So how do we go about measuring likeability?
Yardsticks. A good exercise to find out how much you like something is to first categorise the item (e.g. this food I bought falls under Chinese takeaway), then figure out which example you would place at the peak and which example would you place at the bottom of the specific category (e.g. what is the best and worst Chinese takeaway I have ever had?). Then ultimately use those two extremes as yardsticks to consider how much you like something rather than use arbitrary numbers or percentages.
For example, if you are asked to determine how much you like a new rap song that came out yesterday, you could measure your likeability using yardsticks.
To measure this, you can think of your favourite rap song — one you really like that you’ve replayed a hundred times and know all the lyrics to — and then work backwards from there. I use this example because at first glance this looks like an unfair judgement — A song you’ve played hundreds of times surely cannot be compared to a song you listened to a few times yesterday — but actually it’s a great place to start.
At some point (say by the 10th replay of the new song), you’ll probably be able to determine if you are willing to play (and enjoy) the new rap song over and over again until you get to 100.
If by the 10th play, you realise you don’t think it can get 100 replays, it becomes obvious that you do like both songs but you like one more than the other. For numbers sake, you can measure it by saying I can play my favourite rap song 100 times but I can only play this new song a max of 10 times before I get bored.
Truth be told, we already knew this. Yes, we do like some things more than others in a specific category, and yes, we do dislike things more than others in a specific category. But the question we are trying to answer is how much you like said thing. Where is this item on the scale?
A few questions based on what has been said so far:
Repetition
In the rap example, I use repetition as a method of measurement. Why?
“Like” is a verb, a doing word. It’s continuous. For continuous activities, repetition is a good way to measure how much more you will continue to partake in it until you are bored. The scale of likeability requires yardsticks at either end and those yardsticks are highly dependent on the repetition factor. [4]
The “how” of yardsticks
Sometimes you may find it hard to determine yardsticks but a way to invoke it is to ask an apocalyptic question to force your thinking, e.g. If you had to choose one type of food to eat for the rest of your life, what would you choose?
The question should have obvious caveats like:
The answer can then be used as a yardstick even though it’s purely hypothetical.
Even if you create a yardstick for yourself, how do you explain it to others?
Whenever someone asks if you like something, how do you explain it in a way that is understandable and conveys your likeability as precisely as possible?
If you are asked, “Do you like this drink?” the question that may go through your head is; what is the best drink I have ever tasted that I can have over and over again and how does this new drink compare?
It is definitely hard to be objective about this. Did you have your “best drink” when you were thirsty on a hot day? Are you having this new drink with non-complementary foods? Is the new drink you’re having served in its best form? And so on. But using yardsticks should give some precise answers.
What About Science?
Since we’re talking about measurement, what about using a scientific method? Can you not measure pleasure via an MRI of the brain and look out for patterns created? Or maybe measure the level of endorphins in the blood? And so on. Perhaps. But this is about using a model that can be applied daily. The crux of this essay is to lay out a model in figuring out what people really mean when they say they like something.
So the next time you’re trying to make a decision from someone’s experience, the question should not just be “do you like it?” but “how much and in comparison to what?”.
[1] To be clear, this is merely a model for deciphering how much you like something and what to do when you receive new information about said thing.
[2] Truth be told, scales can be applied to a lot of different areas and not just likeability e.g. Fairness. This decision is unfair but how unfair? It could be fairer and it could also go the other way.
[3] People often make contradicting statements because they think like and dislike are binaries:
The closer truth is you like the person a lot less than you liked them before. If you truly dislike someone then all feelings should follow.
[4] Although, I think we should take caution with repetition. People may feel they like something just because they’re constantly exposed to it. See Mere-Exposure Effect.
Thanks to Safo and Olamide for proof-reading this.